BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK & BROWNE IS WHITE (a novel) by Mark Hayes
Harry Browne, white professor, teaches at Freedman State College, an historically black college (HBCU)...I wish I had the balls to write something about my adventures at Freedman State, but I'd lose my job if I told the truth about black racism or about social promotion in college or about academic scholarships awarded to students scoring 800 on the SAT. Who would believe a middle-aged white guy in these days of political correctness?
If you're a straight, white man in the U.S. today, you are the enemy, the target of all the self-proclaimed victims' groups, as they whine and complain about their rights.
The Pentagon issues a personnel memo outlining promotion criteria. No white males will be promoted unless they are handicapped! Only Asians, blacks, gays, Hispanics, the disabled, and women are to be considered for promotion. White guys can forget about it.
Urban police and fire departments race-norm their tests for hiring and promotion. They adjust test scores so minorities can "improve" their low test grades to match or better scores of white applicants. Equal opportunity for all.
In the midst of this affirmative action anarchy, Harry Browne, a middle-aged white guy, somehow lands a job teaching at an historically black college (HBCU). This is his story, and here are a few of the players Harry meets as he surfs on the new wave of color sweeping across America:
DR. WASHINGTON LINEN: President of Freedman State College. A tireless promoter of African-American interests--especially his own. Linen's got a scheme for filling classroom seats and dorm rooms with warm bodies, all based on students' POTENTIAL. One part snake-oil, one part CEO, and 100 percent self-aggrandizer, Linen never met a campus problem that wasn't a "challenge" or an "opportunity."
DEAN ACRECIOUS GREENVILLE: Academic Dean at Freedman State. An African-American with a theory. Education in the U.S. is a white racist plot designed to keep blacks from getting their piece of the American pie. How? By using standardized tests. Why do Asians and Hispanics do better than blacks on these same tests? Don't ask for logic. That's why a few of the faculty call him EGREGIOUS.
DR. COLOSSUS WADI: Professor of Victimology and powerful chairman of Freedman State's faculty Promotion and Tenure Committee. Wadi thinks THE ATLANTIC magazine is a journal about oceanography and THE NEW YORKER is a catalogue selling Chrysler cars and products.
PROFESSOR DAVE STANLEY: An African-American faculty member who doesn't want his own children to study Swahili. He insists his kids speak Standard English. Is he a race traitor?
Harry Browne discovers that Freedman State College is a lot like a fine restaurant. People may love the food, but they should never see what goes on in the kitchen. Likewise, Harry realizes that no administrator at Freedman State wants the public--especially the white, state legislature--to know what goes on behind the "hallowed ivy walls" at dear old Freedman State.
A fly-on-the-wall view of race and education in America today, Harry learns that Beethoven was black, and that he is white, really white. And he recalls that old Chuck Berry tune. How did it go? Roll over, Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news....my man B-toven be black!
BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK & BROWNE IS WHITE (a novel) by Mark Hayes, 230 pages, paper @ $8.00 postpaid.
Send check or money order to: Mt. HOLLY PRESS, P.O. BOX 4, Worton, MD 21678
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