Beethoven Was BLACK


Browne Is WHITE

(a novel)


Mark Hayes

Beethoven Was BLACK



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      Beethoven Was BLACK


        Browne Is WHITE

                   (a Novel)


                Mark Hayes

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Harry Browne, white professor, teaches at Freedman State College, an historically black college (HBCU).

Shocked by what he experiences as a newly hired assistant professor of English, Harry mused..........


.........I wish I had the balls to write something about my adventures at Freedman State, but I'd lose my job if I told the truth about black racism or about social promotion in college or about academic scholarships awarded to students scoring 800 (combined!) on their SATs......

BUT. Who would believe a middle-aged white guy in these insane days of political correctness?


If you're a straight, white man in the U.S. today, you are the enemy, the target of all the self-proclaimed victims' groups, as they whine and complain about their rights.

The Pentagon issues a personnel memo outlining promotion criteria. No white males will be promoted unless they are handicapped! Only blacks, Latinos, women, gays, Asians, and disabled are to be considered for promotion. White guys can forget about advancing up ANY ladder--Harry thought of it as the "testosterone ceiling."

Urban police and fire departments race-norm their tests for hiring and promotion. They adjust test scores so minorities can "improve" their poor test grades to equal or beat scores of white applicants. Affirmative action means "equal opportunity" for everyone but whites. So much for reciprocity, muses Harry, feeling whiter than he was used to.

Yet, in the midst of this social anarchy and politically correct upheaval, Harry Browne, a middle-aged white guy, somehow lands a job teaching at an historically black college (HBCU).


This is his story, and here are a few of the players Harry meets as he surfs on the new wave of color sweeping over America:

DR. WASHINGTON LINEN: President of Freedman State College. A tireless promoter of African-American interests--especially, his own. Linen's got a scheme for filling classroom seats and dorm rooms with warm bodies, all based on students' POTENTIAL. One part snake-oil, one part CEO, and 100 percent self-aggrandizer, Linen never met a campus situation that wasn't a "challenge" or an "opportunity"--NO "problems" ever cross Linen's radar.

DEAN ACRECIOUS GREENVILLE: Academic Dean at Freedman State. An African-American with a theory. Education in the U.S. is a white racist plot designed to keep blacks from getting their piece of the American pie. How? By using those evil, standardized tests. Why do Asians and Latinos do better than blacks on these standardized tests? 

Don't ask for logic--that is a "white thang." No wonder some faculty call him EGREGIOUS. 

DR. COLOSSUS WADI: Professor of Victimology and powerful chairman of Freedman State's Promotion and Tenure Committee for Faculty. Wadi thinks THE ATLANTIC magazine is a journal about oceanography, and THE NEW YORKER is a catalogue selling Chrysler cars and products. WTF?

PROFESSOR DAVE STANLEY: An African-American faculty member who doesn't want his own children to study Swahili. He insists his kids speak Standard English. Is he a race traitor?


Harry Browne discovers that Freedman State College is a lot like a fine restaurant. People may love the food, but they should never see what goes on in the kitchen.

Harry also realizes that no administrator at Freedman State wants the public--i.e., the legislature's white majority at the state house--to know what goes on behind the "hallowed ivy walls" at dear old Freedman State.

A fly-on-the-wall view of race and education in America today, Harry comes to understand that Beethoven may or may not have been black, but he, Professor Browne, is white--really, really, REALLY white.

How did that old Chuck Berry song go? Hmmmm. "Roll over, Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news" man B-toven be black!



BEETHOVEN WAS BLACK & BROWNE IS WHITE (a novel) by Mark Hayes, 230 pages, paper @ $7.99 postpaid.

Send check or money order to: Mt. Holly Press, P.O. BOX 4, Worton, MD 21678. 



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Mark Hayes

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